I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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