So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
