So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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