I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
