HIV tests are more positive than that guy
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
