I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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