a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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