All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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