I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
