i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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