everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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