just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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