My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
MIDGETS
????
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize