im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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