Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
