Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
