You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
