Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
