I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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