She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
i think my cat just said my name.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
