How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
