So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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