went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
