so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
