I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
