i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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