As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
