had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
