Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize