I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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