She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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