he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
