This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
