i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
