I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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