Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
