wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You may now shotgun with the bride
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize