so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
