So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
