We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize