You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
