You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
