Sorry, I don't speak sober.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
