Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
