"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize