wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
