just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We are all done wearing pants today
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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