70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
