worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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