I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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