I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
