I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
