It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
