U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
