You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
