why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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