so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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