How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
