so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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