I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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