I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
