I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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