i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
do nipples grow back?
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