A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
