I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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