so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
