I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
as a side note pls kill me
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
