The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
