What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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