Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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