she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My breasts were aching with rage.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
