I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
