oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
