new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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