just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
