is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize