My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
