im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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