you thought your balls were fighting each other...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
third nipple confirmed
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
is it fun? or sober?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize