I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I didn't notice because vodka
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
we should paint friendship bongs
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