also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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