That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
