I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize