New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
