so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
