So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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