Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
