It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
false alarm. still invincible.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
