found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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