Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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