The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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