Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
