I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm too high and old for this...
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