Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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