So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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