considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
