My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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