We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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