i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
