i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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