My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
