I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
