I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
