Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
