Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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