i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
